Waiting

counting her breath

I wrote these words the day preceding my mom’s death. Now seems like the appropriate time to share them.

And then you wait.

You wait for the body to shut down knowing in all its brilliance the proper order of things.

You wait, wondering how someone so full of life and energy can be lying in front of you breathing her last breaths.

You wait, knowing you’ve done everything you can, and if she could, she would tell you just how proud she is of your choices.

You wait, throwing in one more load of laundry as you grasp for something that feels normal.

You wait, hoping the squirrels battling it out on the feeder don’t wake her.

You wait, meeting the gaze of both dogs as they look to you for answers that you don’t have.

You wait, hoping that by some miracle this is all a mistake.

You wait, feeling the love pour in from everyone that loves her and you.

You wait.

Oh how she loved these Hello Kitty ear muffs that she won at a quilting retreat.

Written September 22, 2022